Still In Progress

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Glass reflecting human form flawed by being born. How should this form live amongst the living when the living have eyes, expectations, and no
understanding of reality? I’ve walked the shores hand in hand with love, but when it was fast asleep I took a peak of what it was dreaming and when I looked around love was in love with perfection.I kicked the savage out the door. He had the nerve to cry on his deserved curb and tell me he was hurt and I vowed my feelings forgotten.The form, this form, this body wrapped around my eroding soul iswhat has always mattered but now a matter to me, a matter, an obsession.I knocked on a devil’s official door and his secretary brought me into his office,on his desk he spread out breasts sliced from love’s dreamsand told me how he could suck all that was unsightly from me down a tube,a feeding tube that led down to his goblin brigade.I signed the contract, paid my debt, and was ready to rebuild my soul.Disease festering in a young boy, his eyes yearned for a cure, but this was more important.Lay me dead and naked on a carving board, slice my flesh and rip it from my bones.Push the answer in and pull the guts out that make me a human, the guts that keep respect rolling on the floor laughing at me.As I lied being torn apart I dreamed a thousand dreams:dreams of leaves being painted tangerine by autumn and sunlit rain fallingsoaking my hair and sun dress while I splashed through puddles of liquid gold .Dreams of people who walked with one another, talked with one another, were only spheres of light that took no physical form. Dreams of all hope and wisdom that had ever came before me and lived within me, but the dreams abruptly got sucked away, sucked down the feeding tube and landed in the mouth of a goblin that chewed them with small pebbles he had for teeth.My eyes opened and I saw the flames of the devil’s fire, it engulfed me and began squeezing me through the vacuole. I knew there was no return.Blackness, consciousness, pain, pain...For weeks there was nothing but pain, pills, spinning, and black paint swirling in my brain.I heard the screams of a woman, I do not know who she was crying to, but she begged them to let her child be healthy. Over and over again she cried for a healthy baby or to just let it die inside her own dying body. Her screams sent ripples of angst down my spine, why couldn’t this wretch leave me alone, couldn’t she see that I was trying to get my rest? Light, sight, and now I had a new found power.The devil took one look at me and bid me farewell and deemed me the most perfect perfection she had ever seen,and as I made my way to the door she handed me a booklet of noses.I found love roaming the streets and I invited him to come with meto my testimonial dinner. Love was in awe of my perfection,my friends cheered and told me how they realized just how grotesque I was before, and my family smiled.I only cared that love was looking at me and now my life was complete.Again I walked down the shores with love and I knew this time nothing could beat me.Again when love was fast asleep I took a peak at what it was dreaming,even though I knew it would be of me.I looked and looked around but nothingthen, everything.It was me it has to be, I am what love wants, I am what love needs,I am perfection!But I was wrong, and there my mistake stood staring me in the face.I was perfection, but I wasn’t the only perfectionand love was in love with all the perfections of the world.My dreams were lost forever and I could have held on I could have foreseen,surely I should have foreseen this!Right as I stood in the middle of love’s dream my soul disintegrated and swirled around me.
It took the form of a glass sphere and shattered. Could I have saved myself? Could I have saved the boy? Could I have saved the mother?
I was too selfish to even try.
Everything went to this, this form, this body, love,
I should have let bad love go and stood on my own.
I thought my soul would be stronger than ever and now it’s destroyed.
I sat on the ground broken thinking I would never really live again, there was nothing to do
but wait for the sound of my bones to clank on the cement floor of hell.
But as I sat alone I realized that I had been so blind
I had always been perfect but I was society’s puppet
and now there’s nothing left but healing and educating.

You Know What?

Free speech is awsome

Room 111

Come and gather round, for
you are about to witness my great gift.
given to me by God,
God has come and touched me,
blessed me, and through my words is God himself.

God has chosen me,
“it is time,” he says, to let all you hear again
the words we are forgetting.
It is time to relearn, it is time for rebirth.

If I wrote down right here and now
words that come to me from God
would you read it?
Would you believe me?
God says, “believe, have faith in
her who I have chosen.”

I am in room 111 and it’s twelve O’clock.
Time for lunch now,
Henry counts 1...2...3, 1...2...3.
Deborah picks up phones,
she says “no Robert isn’t here right now,”
and Robert blows his nose.

Have faith in my fallible human words!
I am saying with no lying
tongue that I have seen the almighty
and he has spoke to me.
Here is the book I have written -
my hand was grabbed by the lord and
forced on these pages.

Why do you keep me here,
room 111?
Do you not already have one book
from dear God?
Why not take the sequel?

You say a merely mortal human could
never speak with God,
you say my head is wired wrong,
chemicals run through veins of brains
right, in others wrong.

You say you will never have faith
in the book written by a
crazy at the schizophrenic zoo.
But you don’t even know it,
you already do.

Dabble - in

Child No More

I muddle in the corner of my quaint cage.
You come over and fill my feeding dish
as you have done for many years.
I blink with rounded eyes of gratitude and
feed on the bittersweet seeds of your concern.

Night comes, and I look up into the white sheet sky,
my smooth lids become heavy and
I nestle my beak into the plush green belly of my dreams.
I fly in between jungle leaves, I eat the wild fruit, and
breathe in the thick air of coconut over tropical ripples of the Amazon.

I wake to the same white chipped painted wall
that greets me every morning.
You come over and stroke my feathers with your warm fingers of security
and I look to the clear panes of opportunity.
A ray of sun blinds me, but I see exactly.

The cleavage of glass bends the sun into ribbons
that kiss the apples on the table
I do not want to hurt you, but I have not been a chick for some time.
I am not sure if I will make it to the exotic Amazon,
but if is better than the white chipped paint of walls.

Planet F-ing Earth!!!

I LOOOOVE the new series Planet Earth on Discovery channel it is soo awsome! After work on Sundays I always tune into watch... I've watched an ocean one and a deserts one and they were so neat. My favorite thing was to see all the crazy organisms that live in the ocean, I didn't even know some of the things existed that were in the episode! Ocean creatures are so creepy but they're so interesting. Whales are soooo big it's amazing, it's so funny how they feed on the smalles organisms in the ocean lol. The sail fish were crazy too! They looked like swordfish but longer and thinner. They "herd" the smaller fish up so that they can eat then the same way dolphins do, but if they turn the wrong way and puncture another sailfish it will kill the other sailfish, so they are all able to turn different colors, black, red, and blue maybe I think... something like that. So these colors enable the fish to herd the smaller fish without puncturing themselves by their own noses. I can't wait to see another episode... I'm already counting down the days! :) Yes I'm a nerd and damn proud to be <333

Check It

I wrote two short poems <333>

1.

Never trust the one that
does not LOVE nature - for
They can not see life in eyes
or feel the spirit flicker.


2.

I was a wife to a King
who stabbed me with a blunted knife,
and led me to my innocent death.
Reborn today there’s no such King
but a Queen of Queen’s
slices off my head.

Find Me a Fairy!!!

I REAAAAALLLY want a new tattoo!!! and I really want a fairy on my back... I know... I know sooo Britney Spears but I still want one! lol I love fairies I think they're so beautiful and sort of a symbol of feminine beauty, even the gothic like ones, in fact I really like those... but I'm not really gothic myself and it's not really my style. If anyone is good at art though and want to show me some fairies don't be shy I'd love to see some!!! More often I like fairies that look sad or neutral and with long flowy hair :) Any ideas? Anyway... I also like mermaids because they're really pretty too! I think people who think that tattoos are butch need to get over that complex... tattoos can be beautiful and meaningful, who thinks a fairy is butch??? I know we get older and they don't look as good but even if we don't have tattoos do we really look amazing when we're old!?!? lol Plus when is the last time you have seen a 60 year old person wearing skimpy clothes? Most of the tattoos older people have no one even sees... On another note also, to all guys: tattoos are NOT tramp stamps and definitely NOT a bullseye! I have a tattoo and you better bet that every guy that comes onto me at a club still gets shot down :D I don't see anything wrong with tattoos or piercings, as long as the person is responsible and a good person it shouldn't be so hard for them to find a job. It really is discrimination. Watch out old people and traditional youngins b/c I have a feeling this tattoo piercing thing isn't going away, in fact I think it's going to become more prominent.